But why did you leave me alone?
by Cakesandcarpets
Summary: Short story: What if You would lose the most important person in your life? What if you would lose your Father? Warning: Character Death


But why did you leave me alone?

Like usual you weren't at home that day. You had to work and I was alone, like I always was. A few minutes ago Taichi called me to ask if he could come over. I didn't have anything better to do so of course I said yes.

He arrived soon after. I guess he was already on his way since he called me on my mobile.

That day was a good day until then. The sun shine bright, it was warm and the wind smelt like spring.

Taichi wanted to go outside but something stopped me. I didn't want to leave the house all by itself. Thinking about it I had a good reason, but I didn't know it back then.

You called me.

You asked if I need anything, said you would go to the shop right after work. But you also said it could get late. I wish I would have said that I don't need anything. But I didn't.

We hung up. An emotionless goodbye.

See you later.

If I only knew.

I spent my whole day inside our apartment. It wasn't the biggest but it was enough for just the two of us. A small kitchen I used everyday to make dinner even though he hardly ate together. In the living room was a just way too expensive flat screen TV with a small couch in front and an even smaller table in between.

Even though you weren't with me most of the time I never truly was alone. That stupid gogglehead tried with all his might to spend every free minute of our life together.

I am so thankful he has been with me that day.

It was getting dark. You weren't home yet. It's not unusual for you to not come home before midnight. Usually Taichi would leave at 9pm. But not this time. He called his mother, saying he was sleeping over. I guess he knew I felt as if something was wrong. But neither of us knew what it was.

We fell asleep on the couch while watching one of the stupid movies you bought because you wanted to watch sometime soon. It was horrible. I bet you would have liked it.

The door rang.

Tai got up. His eyes scanned the room, stopping at a clock.

I could hear he was still tired as he complained about how it was 3 am in the morning. He always was really grumpy if something woke him, you knew that. He opened the door nonetheless.

I could hear him talking with a man. I was too tired to realize that something was off.

I stood up. It was 3:38 am. You weren't home yet. Your shoes weren't in front of the door. You jacket wasn't lazily thrown over one of the chairs of our diner table.

Tai was still talking to that man. I got curious. What was going on?

The moment I decided to go check on him was the moment Taichi called for me.

Somehow it suddenly felt really cold so I grabbed the training jacket from Tai and threw it around my shoulders before I made it to the door.

A police officer?

I took a quick look at Tai and all I saw was a terrified expression on his face.

A police officer. He held his hat in his hands right in front of his chest. He looked so sorry.

His mouth opened. I never dreamed I would ever have to hear the words he said to me that night.

I could feel Tais arms supporting me as me knees got weak. I just wasn't able to stand on my own anymore.

He said there was a car accident. On your way from work to the shop down the road, He said you fell asleep behind the wheel. You were just too tired. You worked too much. And that's how we get paid for it.

All you ever wanted was me to have a good life. The Man apologised. As if it was his fault. As if he made you fall asleep, crush into that other car that parked on the side of the road. He acted as if it was his fault. But really, wasn't it mine?

He told me there wasn't anything they could have done to help you. You vanished out of my life the moment you hit the car with your own.

He said you also drove too fast. He looked into my eyes and said, it seemed like you wanted to go somewhere quickly.

It really was all my fault.

I couldn't take it.

I broke.

Everything went black. I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't feel.

You were gone.

Don't you know you were everything I had left? How do you think I will survive without you?

I know you weren't always with me. Some could say it wouldn't be much of a difference. But they don't know how it feels to prepare dinner for someone who will never ever come home again.

If I only knew that the phone call was the last time I hear you voice I would have talked to you longer. If I knew it would be the last time I am able to talk to you I would have told you all the things I should have said much earlier.

I lost you that night. I feel guilty because I couldn't save you.

I collapsed into Taichis arms. It's as if the angles told us. I don't know if I would have been able to handle this without him by my side.

I still try to think back to a day where I cried nearly as much as I did that night. But I never did. I never cried as much. I never had to. Because I never felt so much pain before.

Why did I tell you that I needed something from that stupid store. None of this would have happened. It's all my fault.

I don't remember it but I fell asleep of exhaustion sometime that night.

As I woke up Taichi was still next to me.

My eyes scanned the room lazily. What if it all was just a dream? What if you are home already?

I stood up. Still no shoes in front of the door. No jacket on top of the chair. No you.

All of this happened over a year ago and I am writing this letter just now.

I still recall the day, as if it happened yesterday.

I still feel guilty.

I still am lonely.

I am still angry at myself for not being able to help you.

Dad,

I am lost without you.

I am scared.

I am alone.

I miss you.

I need you…

I want you to be back…

I am sorry I never told you…

Dad…

I love you

I really do…


End file.
